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Monthly Archives: January 2009

Diaper commercials are just like most other commercials. Unoriginal, boring, moderately intrusive. Maybe a bit more intrusive than most, as you usually have to watch a couple of germ monster for a few seconds, but it’s fine – you naturally turn away.

But, there is something that has started to really grind my gears about some of the diaper ads on TV. It’s when the speaker voice talks, not to the parent or adult that is supposed to buy the diaper, but to the monster. To the child.

“Soon YOU will be walking a mile a day and YOU will need comfort and something that stays on!”

Wait… what?

If someone… if that child understands what you are saying, and if what you are saying is true – they are climbing, walking and going about… then what do they need diapers for? Shouldn’t they, if they understand you so perfectly, like, use the tiolet? YES! The answer is YES!

Another similar thing are games such as… Super Monkey Ball, and similar “wacky” and “goofy” games. Mario Kart. Both games have a few kid characters that wear diapers. Fine; little kids do that. But the same characters also know how to maneuver high speed vehicles while throwing weapons at their colorful opponents. Shouldn’t they also, like, be able to use the facilities?

Sure – anyone can wear diapers if they want to. Some needs to, like little kids that can’t go to the toilet by themselves yet, and various people with disabilities. But – the cases I just listed is neither one of them. If you can juggle 3 turtle shells and drive a car, you should have no trouble going to the bathroom. If you can run around inside a ball, roll around complicated tracks and at times also fly around using the halves of the ball as wings… then you should probably be able to control where you put your feces.

Organic Waste Container

So, what does that mean? Well… there is one group of people that like wearing diapers even though they don’t have to. That’s fine, I’m all for liberty… but still; I do get some particular feelings thinking about it. So you like driving a car around a race-track… and you wear diapers… which probably mean that you like, or don’t mind, being able to rub your buttocks in your own feces. I mean, you wouldn’t need to, you could just easily use the toilet, so yeah you probably like it. Mmmm… imagine sitting on that go-kart, and just as you pass the finish line to complete that second lap, you squeeeze out a wet load of turd and a little pee to top it, and you ride another lap, the engine warming up the seat, vibrating, you yell “Let’sa gooooooooo mini mario” happily as the mushy squishy sensation tickles your skin.

…yeah. It is kind of gross. Especially when such games try to be “CUTE! =^_^= and I… well, I just can’t see the cuteness in rubbing yourself with your own feces. For me, that’s fetish. Fetish kids? Fetish Monkey Ball? Fetish Kart Double Dash?

Ugh.

I love thumbnails… when they do what they are supposed to do. When I see a thumbnail, on a site or in any context where the context is to view pictures, by clicking the thumbnail (that is – if it is clickable) I expect one single thing.

To see a larger, more high-resolution version, of that same picture. Regardless of it showing up in a pop-up, or on a new web page, or in a new window – I expect the picture to be there in full size.

What really grinds my gears is when that is not the case. I have seen many cases on websites where clicking a thumbnail will either bring you to a web page where that same picture is nowhere to be found. Sometimes, you are brought to a page where you see the same thumbnail, and sometimes, you inconsistently need to click THAT thumbnail in order to see the picture in full resolution.

Example?

Do a google search for any image. I’ll give you a hand. Now, click one of the thumbnails. What do you get? A webpage, showing another thumbnail of that same image, and you know what? It’s probably actually SMALLER than the previous thumbnail! Now you need to click that thumbnail AGAIN to see the full size image.

I understand the argument (which I’m just assuming is there, I haven’t actually heard it) that it’s fair to show the source of the image as well as the image but… you can do that as well. When people look for images on google, they usually want just the image. If they want to know where the image is from, then there should be a link to that page for optional clickage!

Other examples

I’ve seen various sites hosting wallpapers with thumbnails showing examples of their different wallpaper categories. Say, “Ocean Category” and you see a thumbnail of a nice beach. They have a “Space Category” and you see a thumbnail of a couple of planets that you might like. I’ve experienced plenty of times that when clicking the category thumbnail, you are brought to that category’s page (which is rather obvious considering the context) but… where is the image from the thumbnail you just clicked? Shouldn’t it like… be there, even in thumbnail form, in that category? Many times, you need to scan several pages of thumbnails just to find THAT particular image again. I’ve even had cases where that image simply didn’t exist in the category at all, even though it looked just like a shrunken version of a wallpaper.

This is similar to disappointing banners, which had me grind my gears earlier. If you promise something, then deliver. Otherwise, you will either confuse and/or lose a potential client. Even with sites that deliver free content such as wallpaper sites or similar, you should want to keep your viewers happy, because you probably have advertisement banners on your site that you want people to click so that you earn some revenue. Lose viewers, and you lose potential banner clicks, and then you get less interesting in the eyes of a potential ad space buyer.

Gah!

While most of the time I suffer from banner blindness, I from time to time see a banner that sticks out and actually catches my attention a little. Usually, it’s just momentarily, and then the little grey goblins in my head add that to the banner blacklist and I learn to ignore even those banners.

However – on rare occasion, there might be banners that actually make me want to see what the deal is about. It might be some question or phrase that I want to read the explanation of, or perhaps it is a picture that is small in the banner that I want to see a magnification of…

Now, to quote Peter Griffin, what really grinds my gears is that most of the time, when clicking such a banner you are brought to another site (naturally) but the site talks only in general about their products, and it might have no direct connection to the banner itself.

To clarify with some examples;

Banner:
“If I break up with her… I’ll have no TV anymore!
Loans at 6% interest”

I liked that, it had some nice humor to it. When clicked, I would have liked to see some similar sarcastic jokes or a page that followed that theme somehow, but no. It was just the site of an ordinary boring bank. The grey goblins in my brain made me click “close” faster than I could think it. Waste of time.

Banner:
a slideshow with various teenagers asking more or less odd questions about life in general, love and sexuality, such as “My brother picks me up at school every day. Does he really have to do that?!” or “How old must you be to be able to marry?” and so on.

I want to wait before having sex, IS THAT OK?

To many of these questions, I get curious as to what the answer might be. Sometimes I think “what sort of question is that?”. In any case, I naturally assume that if I click the banner I will be brought to a site where the question is more or less answered or at least discussed. But no, regardless of what slide in the banner I click, I get to that site’s main page. As I had figured out myself, it’s a site where young people can ask questions, but even though I actually looked quite hard on the site I couldn’t find any mention of the questions in the banner! Very disappointing. Fail.

Now, when I click a banner, take me to a site that tells me more about what I just clicked. Banners, advertisements, should give me a tease of something that you offer – so, don’t promise me ONE thing in the banner, and give me something entirely else when I click it! I will end up disappointed, and leave the site since the reality didn’t live up to expectations.

There are naturally good banners, that take you exactly to where you expected. Ad banners about various items often take you to that item’s page on a webshop, and so on. If you pay money to show a banner on a site, you shouldn’t just want to make people click the banner unless you can provide the viewer with a nice (or at least expected) experience on the other side of the link! What you DO want not people to click your banners, but people who DO click your banners to actually finding interest in what you are selling!

Gah. Stupid.