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I hate spoilers.

Whether it’s a game, a movie, a TV series, book or any other story based experience. I hate them. I can get truly angry with someone if they spoil a story for me that I plan to experience for myself. Because when you spoil the ending of a story, or a great plot twist, long before I get there myself, you are kind of ruining my time. Little things are entertaining in this grey and fucked up world, and then you come and just for the heck of it make it even more boring. But that sort of spoiling is, luckily, rare.

But what really grinds my gears… a lot… is when people spoil when in the same sentence they say that they don’t intend to spoil. It’s like putting a fake nose and a hat on a turd and giving it to me, thinking I will not realize that it’s a turd. Let’s make some generic examples (without actually spoiling anything for anyone);

“You should go see film XXX! It’s so great! I’m not going to spoil anything for you, but I can just say that things aren’t at all what you think in that movie!!!”

or,

“That movie is awesome! I’m not gonna spoil any details but the ending… it’s is sooo saaaaad!!!”

If you are one that says something like that… then you are a retard. You are a serious retard, or a troll who loves to sabotage other people’s fun. I mean, come on. You should probably know better than to think you are clever enough not to spoil something when you… well, spoil something. You should probably know better than to think I’m an idiot without enough brain capacity to understand exactly what your “subtle hint” meant.

You do get it, right?

Sigh. Ok, so say for example that the movie is about a mystery, and in many mysteries today they usually want you to suspect the wrong thing, and at the end twist the plot and trash your suspicions completely and suprise you. Usually, there are some options here that are least suspect. Say, a kid has been killed and there are lots of evil men that are suspects – but in the end, it’s was the kind mother all along!

If you then were to say that first example of mine, then you pretty much plant a spoil-seed in me. I know, from the start, that it’s not one of the most suspicious characters that is the killer. In fact, you have made sure that I suspect none of those that the movie depicts as suspicious, so from the start I more or less know it’s the mother.

Regarding the second example… well, say it’s a movie about a child diagnosed with cancer. So… yeah. After watching a while, then I know that the child will die in the end. Thanks. It’s not like I will sit there, not having ONE CLUE what you meant until in the end I think “ooooh so the kid died, yeah, that is sad, I admit I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING, not when my friend told me that something really sad was going to happen“. What, you expect me to sit there and think “ooh I hope she won’t SPRAIN HER ANKLE, that would be SO SAD“?

If you do care about a friend and not spoiling an experience for them, then don’t talk about the story. Talk about the beginning perhaps. Show your friend the trailer for the movie or game or whatever. Never talk about details in plot twists, don’t even HINT about them.

Gah.

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