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This one really grinds my gears, a lot. I hate public restrooms.

First, for me, I need privacy when I do my business. That is just the way I grew up, I got used to it, so even if I really –wanted– to I couldn’t even use a urinal or pee somewhere else when others are around. I just can’t, I can try – I have tried, but nothing happens. Yeah.

Then number two, well, I –could– do that in public I suppose but I wouldn’t -want- to.

So, in either way, I need walls or total privacy.

But it’s not only visual privacy that I need. No, for me, I need to know that my business are my business alone, and no one elses. That means that I don’t want others to hear my business. At home, or at someone else’s home, it is usually fine. The door is thick and normal and offers good sound isolation. Sometimes I turn on the faucet a bit when I’m really in the mood for neither hearing the outside world and to mask my own situation.

So, who is the hippie idiot who designed most of the public restrooms? Seriously – doors and walls that end a few inches over the floors, leaving a huge gap. They don’t even reach the roof, they just go up a bit, and leave another huge gap. Whatever you do in there will be heard in juicy bitty detail for everyone in the room.

Now, it’s not so bad. I mean, they have installed some sort of panels in the ceiling that prevent echoing of sounds, that absorb errant sound waves and makes a less noisy surrounding, much like they do in most other places like classrooms, corridors, and so on. Right?

Of course they haven’t. Every surface is as flat as possible possibly to allow for easy cleaning, the doors are as thin as possible to work as amplifying membranes, and the toilet bowls are quite often made of some shiny easy-to-clean metal that also seem to amplify each and every little potentially embarrasing noise.

Standard (but unrealistically clean) Public Restroom

Standard (but unrealistically clean) Public Restroom

I usually don’t use public restrooms, but if I do, it’s usually because I really have to. This often means either that I have to pee – which is ok – but it is quite often an urgent case of number two as well due to some crappy restaurant or somesuch.

For the love of fuck, people, design public restrooms for the user in mind, you fucking idiots! I know you can optimize comfort with cleaning in mind, which leads me to believe that those that designed these didn’t really want to put walls in there in the first place – they are so used with excreting feces out their rectum in front of their family members while singing “tralala” for each little brown lump of intestinal produce that hit the water, just to celebrate its coming into this world. Or, they never use the damned restrooms themselves and say “I won’t be using these, so what do I care about doing a good job?“.

Fucking morons.

Give me a proper door and proper walls, for retard’s sake. Add proper ventilation that prevents smell from lingering there for ages and ages. I don’t really care much for getting forty-nine grandpas’ shit particles dancing the tango in my nostrils…

Another thing that I’ve noticed during the years is a funny detail. Not very funny once it happens, but a phenomenon that makes me want to turn the face of the one responsible funny with a shovel. Public restrooms that actually charge you a bit of money are usually the ones, in my experience, that are the worst of them all. I can’t count how many times I’ve paid for what I believed was a “public restroom of higher standards” just to be greeted with… a cracked bowl. A cracked sink. No hook on the wall to hang a jacket and bag, so you have to put them on the mysteriously sticky floor. No soap. No towels. No toilet paper. And the most freezing temperatures and over-the-top (and obviously worthless) ventilation you could ever find. And what can you do about it? Open the door, try to find someone responsible? Yeah, right, they are at that point hiding somewhere far away. And the money you paid – probably the only change you had, because you pay mostly by card nowadays – is forever gone so you can’t just try another restroom either.

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